roller coaster

my emotions has been liken a roller coaster for the past 2 weeks. as i grow older, i realise it’s harder for me to control my emotions..

members have been receiving lots of financial blessings recently. they’re bringing friends. friends are in the midst of being integrated and i’m seeing their lives change before me.

last tuesday, zm at jenny’s house was fantastic. God refreshed me and i felt His presence, pure love, encouragement and assurance. i love hanging around with wendy and the leaders. 

i have very interesting project mates this trimester in school. they’re smart, considerate, witty, absolutely fun bunch of people to be with. people whom have helped me with work related issues and i’m totally grateful to.

i have worked very hard in the past few weeks and coming salary is looking somewhat comforting.

cg this afternoon was great.

basically my life has been pretty blessed and i’m very thankful. except that.. i felt i’ve lost a part of me..  

maybe i thought i was strong enough not to be affected by this game, but i’m so wrong.

there’s still so much i want to do. now i can only pray that there’s still chances for me to bring him to church, meet up for more dinners and coffee. just some more of those times, simple yet happy.

在朋友那兒聽說　知心的你曾回來過
想請他替我向你問候
只為了怕見了說不出口
你對以往的感觸還多不多
曾讓我心碎的你　我依然深愛著

在朋友那兒聽說　知心的你曾找過我
我要他幫我對你隱瞞
只是怕見了面會更難過
我對以往的感觸還那麼多
曾給我幸福的你　我依然深深愛著

有一種想見不敢見的傷痛
有一種愛還埋藏在我心中
我只能把你放在我的心中
這一種想見不能見的傷痛
讓我對你的思念越來越濃
我卻只能把你　把你放在我心中

對你的聲音　你的影　你的手
我發誓說我沒有忘記過
而關於你選擇了現在的他
我只能說我有些難過
我也真心真意的等過

of course, You never fail to show up in times like this. just when hopelessness feel me, You reminded me that one man can make a difference to another one’s life. for now, i will hold on tightly to this promise and continue to be a blessing and a sunshine. meanwhile, i got to let go.. let it go..

there is this tug-of-war inside of me now still. it’s almost impossible to imagine how could i be like Jesus, to step into the boat of fallen humanity and yet never compromise on the spiritual values.

i do not want to end up like many who have tasted the glory, yet still compromise and eventually gave up their salvation. i need greater measure of the fear of my Lord.        

there are too much thing occupying my mind and i need a release desperately.

i’m still thinking of next week’s cgm and i’ve got class tomorrow. wish i can go church tomorrow and be soaked in Your presence and get some directions from You. but i’ve missed today’s intensive and i have to be around tomorrow.

gosh, whatever is going on with my life at this moment..  

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls. - pro 25:28