there are still plenty areas in my life i am evaluating and i havent had an answer yet. so i am still evaluating. i am just going to allow God to speak and show me. i pray that God will reveal only through Him and Him only..

i discover myself better in 2011 and i pray that i will become a better person in 2012. i know it’s probably going to be challenging- and dont tell me it’s not because you are not me, but i know i can, become better slowly but surely. 

i am weaker, and yet stronger

i am less trusting, and yet more trusting.

contradictin.., but isnt life like this to begin with?

and maybe that’s where God’s faith steps in.

2012 will be a year i will embrace challenges. i am not going to run away. i am going to face and deal with it till my breakthrough comes. i am not going to run away.

isa 43:17 tells me to look at the new things God is going to do.. it is already happening.. He will make a road in the desert and rivers in the dry land..

i was led to this encouraging verse on 30 dec and on 31 dec, i heard it from the pulpit again.

i am standing on this promise this year.

and yes, my desires shall come to pass.

amen.

i am remembering that this life itself is a miracle and i am thankful of all that had happened and will happen.

every aspect of my life seems to be out of order and i have difficulty controlling this.

last weekend’s arise and build message miraclously lifted me up.

it’s those live changing testimonies that touched me once again.

i cant stop crying when i remember how 1 friend made an effort to invite me to church.

because of her, my destiny is found in God’s kingdom and in this house.

because of her, i found my strength to praise Him once again.

taking on a desk bound operational position would means a pay cut, but at least i have a regular flow of income.

at this point of my life, the need to achieve sales target is the last thing i want to think about.

having a regular working hours also means i can see my ageing folks. he can have someone to rant  to. this is emotionally draining for me, but that’s the least thing i can do now in his twillight years.

there are so many other things i need to plan for the folks, and for myself =(

because of things at home now, i need time to be with my friends to charge myself up.

i have been having insomnia since i-dont-know-when. i just cant have the decent sleep i used to have. no matter how tired i am in the night, i have difficulty falling asleep and i wake up countless times throughout the night. this has been physically exhausting and being around with happy friends make me a happier girl. =)

but i am careful not to take up any offer that comes my way because i am pretty sure my next job will probably be one that i will be there for life maybe. i am tired of changing job environment. i want to anchor myself in a company and just be happy.

and yes, i want a job where i dont have to carry laptop around, dont have to check on my clients’ details in the night and during the weekends.

i have enough.

his comment cut deep into her heart. and it still hurt. i could tell.

i’ve been where janie is. and in many ways, i still live there.

janie didn’t have an insensitive husband. janie was just, like many of us, expecting him to be her all in all. and he, like any man, isn’t God. and therefore he wasn’t up to the task.

as i reflected on janie’s comment, my mind raced over my relationships…my husband of 23 years, my dating years in college, my loneliness as a teenager. and i was brought back to the Only One who has been faithful throughout the years of my life and throughout generations.

as long as i am hoping for lasting fulfillment through the intimacy i can reach with a person on this earth, i will be disappointed. all are merely human. all are mortal. all have sinned. and all will let me down at one time or another. whether it’s a parent, a husband, a man you are dating, a friend – all will let you down, too. i am realizing, more and more as i get older and wiser, that my prayer must be like the psalmist’s: “whom have i in Heaven but You? And earth has nothing i desire besides you.”

i first copied that verse from psalm 73:25 onto a note card and put it on my refrigerator more than 10 years ago. i was comforted by the truth that i have an Advocate in Heaven. And He is mine.

who do i have but You, God? it is more than a question or even a statement. it is a motto. and i have reminded myself to live by that motto ever since.

as i have counseled women through the years, i have encouraged them to look to God as the Only One who can meet all of their needs. it is not only practical, it is essential for our survival, as we often let emotion dictate our moods, attitudes. and our perceived well being.

only You, Lord, are perfect. only You are incapable of disappointing me. only You can satisfy. and only You can know me intimately

in his book The Journey of Desire, author john eldredge says “there is an aloneness, an incompleteness that we experience every day of our lives. how often do you feel deeply and truly known? is there another soul to whom a simple glance is all that is necessary to communicate depth of understanding? do you have someone with whom you can commune in love? this is our inconsolable longing – to know and to be known.”

yet the longing is consolable – in Christ alone.

when i focus on my inconsolable longing it can tear me up at times. i will never be completely known and understood by my husband, my child, my closest friend. but i am known to God. my inconsolable longing on this earth increases my yearning for Heaven. for true oneness and intimacy. for my “happily ever after” with my One True Love.

to whom do you go when nothing else and no one else will satisfy? where do you take those longings that remain unmet? there is One in Heaven waiting to fill the inconsolable longing in your heart as well. and as you pursue a path to knowing Him more deeply and communing with Him more intimately, you will see that He does, indeed, fill that inconsolable longing in your heart.

how can you pursue a more intimate relationship with God? by following the basics: tell Him First – whatever is on your heart and mind, go to God first about it. sure, He already knows about it, but when you tell God first you are reaffirming to Him and to yourself that He is the most important one in your life.

take Him seriously – get into God’s Word and get to know what He loves (look up every verse on “love” in your Bible) and cling to it and know what He hates (proverbs 6:16-19 is pretty clear about it) and avoid it at all costs. every relationship takes two. God has clearly extended toward us in His Word. we can extend back by knowing all there is to know about Him, through His Word, and taking Him seriously when He says things like “if you love Me you will keep My commandments” (john 14:15) and “there are six things the Lord hates…” (proverbs 6:16-19).

trust Him fully – there are things that will happen in life that you will not understand. but to love God perfectly is to trust Him completely and to know that no matter what happens, He is still God and He is still good. first John 4:18 tells us “there is no fear in love. but perfect love (for God) drives out fear (of our circumstances)….” every relationship is about trust. how much do you really trust Him?

as you begin to tell God first, take Him seriously, and trust Him fully, may you, too, be able to say as the psalmist did: “whom have i in heaven but you? and earth has nothing i desire besides you.”

cindi mcmenamin is a national speaker and the author of several books including When Women Walk Alone (more than 100,000 copies sold) Women on the Edge and When a Woman Inspires Her Husband. for more on strengthening your relationship with God or for some of her free resources, see www.StrengthForTheSoul.com.

when the stage is bare tonight

there’s no one else

just You and me

when the curtains close behind

there’s no pretense

i’m on my knees

i will lay down my life

for the love sacrifice

You gave to me

it’s all because of You

all because of You

the God i know

righteous and holy

the God i know

faithful and true

the God i know

my tower of refuge

hearts are healed

Christ revealed

the God i know

light of the city

the God i know

strengthens the weak

the God i know

your heart beats within me

as You are, so are we

this is my cry

my one desire

more of You

more of You

the church He knows

righteous and holy

the church He knows

is faithful and true

the church He knows

a tower of refuge

hearts are healed

Christ revealed

the church He knows

light of this city

the church He knows

strengthens the weak

the church He knows

is strong and mighty

as He is, so are we

and one of the reminders i have this very moment is an a4 card given to me as a farewell gift in one of the companies i had worked in.

the card wrote of how i always wear a sunshine smile, no matter how dreadful the day had been.

then i remembered how my members and friends would say that of me too. i take pride that being smiley is a very personaility of me.

but in the recent years.. maybe 3 to 5 years, that joy and smile seemed to have been robbed away without my knowledge and consent.

i want to find back my joy and smile.

and i can do that in my Lord.

i have a deep need for love and acceptance

which only God can meet this need of mine.

so where do the love and acceptance of mankind stand in my life?

i guess,

they are a compliment, on top of God’s pure love and acceptance.

when i’m filled 100% with His love,

plus whatever the love from mankind can give to me, then, i become complete in Him.

cheers =)

i thought my “no fishing” sign was secured, until recently, many of my past came hauting me. i didnt even know when the sign had been tempered with…

i have learnt the hard way, that the “no fishing” sign is not permanent.

because you have to guard your heart against emotional turmoils.

the bible says “whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without wall” (pro 25:28)

it is so important that we must watch over our emotions, or else, we will be defendless even against ourselves, what more against other people, and the devil’s attacks.

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. ~ Proverbs 12: 18

Maybe it would sound better in a Cockney accent, a la the Geico Gecko. Fifteen minutes could add fifteen or more years to your marriage.

However, there is a catch.

Ask a typical group of couples what they feel would help their marriages and the usual response is communication. Pry further as to what communication means to them and answers vary:

“Having any communication would be a nice change.”

“Really listening to each other.” (Usually this translates, “That jerk doesn’t hear a word I say.”

“A conversation that doesn’t turn into a fight.”

“Not having to listen to the same stuff about the past over and over again.”

“Being able to share your heart without being either ignored, ridiculed, or corrected.”

The list goes on. Feel free mentally to insert your own description here, if you wish. What these people refer to as communication actually means something deeper. According to Miriam-Webster communication is, “a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.” Two people thrashing each other with angry and bitter words are communicating. However, that communication probably damages the relationship rather than making it better. When most people say that they need better communication, what they really mean is that they need a way to understand and to be understood without fear, rejection, or conflict.

Core of the Issue

In The Marriage Clinic, John Gottman, PhD, examines various research about why people divorce. He concludes, ““In summarizing these research projects, ‘feeling unloved’ was the most commonly cited reason for wanting a divorce (67% of women)…and sensitivity to being belittled (59% men and women)…We must conclude that most marriages end…[as] the result of people…not feeling liked, loved, and respected.”

Of course, the symptoms may range from financial difficulties to problems in the bedroom and more, but the foundation remains the same. Men or women who feel unloved, disrespected, or disliked often find themselves wishing they were out of that relationship. If one partner spends money foolishly while the other tries to get the couple out of debt, money certainly matters, but it is the underlying feeling of being disrespected that lies at the core of the conflict.

It is not usual, for example, for a spouse to refer to their overweight partner, “If there were a medical reason, I would understand. But there isn’t. If s/he cared about me, there would be exercise, cutting back, and taking care of self. S/he would want to look good and be desirable. I feel disrespected!” Often the overweight person replies, “If you loved me as I am, I’d lose the weight. I will not meet some condition, like losing weight, for you to love me. I feel disrespected!” Though their fight is about weight, the underlying issue in the minds of each is feeling unloved, disrespected, disliked, or a combination of the three.

How to Talk Without Fighting

Sometimes the best way to learn to communicate in a positive, bonding manner is to start with something other than the issue causing the current problem. This is not to say that things get better when a couple avoids conflict. It is to say that understanding and being understood makes a better foundation for dealing with problems.

The way one person learns to understand another is to, in some fashion, see the world through that person’s eyes. While that cannot be done perfectly, there are ways to do it well enough to establish genuine connection and communication on an honest rather than defensive level.

The simplest, and often the most effective, way to do that is to hear each other’s stories.

We are the sum of our experiences. Learning takes place at the deepest levels when we experience something. We may experience it ourselves by what we do or witness personally, or we may experience it through the vividly imagined experience of someone else. For example, if one sits on a hot stove, he learns not to do that again. If he witnesses someone sitting on a hot stove, he learns never to do it. If someone who sat on a hot stove when he was not present vividly describes the experience to him, his vicarious witnessing of the event through mentally living it will be enough for him to know that he does not want to sit on a hot stove.

For one person’s experience to have impact on another, the one telling the story has tell it with enough description of both fact and feeling that the hearer may “live” the event without actually having lived the event. Saying, “I once sat on a hot stove. It was not pleasant,” does not nearly the power of describing the event vibrantly, including the physical, mental, and emotional aspects.

So what does this have to do with adding fifteen years to your marriage?

Fifteen Minutes

If a couple spends as little as fifteen minutes a day sharing their stories with each other, in a short period they each will begin to understand the other.

For example, one wife told her husband about how she never felt “good enough” to please her father. Over the course of a few weeks, she shared story after story of things she did, his reactions, how she felt at the time, and how it still affects her today. He listened. Sometimes he asked questions, but they were always for clarification. He did not tell her what she should have done, how she should or should not feel about those events, or how she should just get over them. He realized his role was to understand and to try to see things from her perspective. As he did so, he began to understand the way she thought about certain things, why she did certain behaviors, and how his actions sometimes triggered responses that in reality were not to him but to the pain she continued to feel about her father.

Stories could be about anything. A husband telling his wife the stories of his sexual abuse by a male teacher when he was young. A wife sharing her stories about her mother’s harshness. But they do not have to be just stories of pain or sadness. A man might tell stories of how his father spent so much time with him. A woman might share how she loved the trips to her grandmother’s.

When both facts and feelings are shared, life is shared. Deeper comprehension occurs. Bonding takes place. Communication begins to go deeper than words.

Couples who share their stories gradually move from childhood to adolescence to what happened at work today. They develop a habit of sharing their stories – and, therefore, their hearts – with each other.

Then, when there are difficulties (as there always are in life), their discussions can be based in mutual understanding and respect rather than hostility and pain. Life does not become perfect, but they face it together rather than separately.

Those fifteen minutes a day could add fifteen or more years to your marriage.

However, you have to make the time to do it, and then follow through.

Joe Beam founded LovePath International, an organization that provides marriage help to hurting couples. For more information on their workshop to rescue your marriage, click here. You may also follow Joe on Facebook and Twitter.

at 5pm, friend sms-ed:

friend: gal, i’m hungry.. dont think i can wait till 7plus then eat dinner..

me: ok, then u go eat first.. i call u when i’m done and see if u still want to meet..

friend: then meet u to c u eat?

me: up to u la.. sounds like u dont want to meet anyway.. so we shall arrange another time then

friend: no la.. haha.. ok see how la, i go eat first

me: no la, it’s ok.. u go ahead, i’m not too keen now also..

friend called me shortly to see if i’m angry and tried to clear up misunderstanding…

too late

• words of affirmation

actions don’t always speak louder than words. if this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. hearing the words, “i love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.

• quality time

in the vernacular of quality time, nothing says, “i love you,” like full, undivided attention. being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

• receiving gifts

don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. if you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. a missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

• acts of service

can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? absolutely! anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “acts of service” person will speak volumes. the words he or she most want to hear: “let me do that for you.” laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

• physical touch

this language isn’t all about the bedroom. a person whose primary language is physical touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

results:

2 words of affirmation

8 quality time

3 receiving gifts

7 acts of service

10 physical touch

interpreting and using your profile score

the highest score indicates your primary love language (the highest score is 12). it’s not uncommon to have two high scores, although one language does have a slight edge for most people. that just means two languages are important to you.

the lower scores indicate those languages you seldom use to communicate love and which probably don’t affect you very much on an emotional level.